"O That I Were an Angel, and Could Have the Wish of Mine Heart” - 2-3-15

Dear Loved Ones, 

I can't believe that these emails won't be coming forever. It's still the most exciting time of the week logging on and being updated with all my beloved family and friends. As always it’s been a week of ups and downs, incomprehensible joy, and tears of heartbreak. I think that's what makes your mission so beautiful, is how you lose yourself in it and how you give every last tear and every last ounce of energy and every last thought and breath to the people you love. A missionary's happiest day is the day they forget themselves and love the people more than they love themselves, and I can truly say that I love the people of Southern Utah as I love my own family, and it fills my heart with heaviness when I think that I won't be here much longer. 

This week we went back to the lonesome old man who lost his wife a year before. We took a woman with us so we could go in. We taught the Restoration and the Spirit was so strong. It truly solidified my own spiritual testimony that Joseph Smith was indeed called to be a Prophet of God. No matter what anyone else tells me about him, I know for myself from God that He was called to be a Prophet. Anyway the Spirit was strong and he said that it could indeed be true and that it makes sense. We gave him some things to read and went back to visit him on Saturday to teach the plan of salvation. He said that he would be at church the next day; the first time he would've been to church in like 30 years. He read what we gave him and enjoyed it. I really love him already. He is a cute old man and our discussions with him are great. It was wonderful teaching him that he will see his wife and child again. His son died in a hurricane, the one before hurricane Katrina. He lived in Louisiana his whole life until just barely moving here. We were very disappointed when he didn't come to Church though. Last night was hard for me because a lot of them stood us up or didn't come to church. There were some silent tears shed. It always hurts when people don't do the things that will bring them the answers they are thirsty for. There's only so much we can answer for them until they need to do the things that will allow God to answer for them. 

We had a wonderful miracle with E. She is the one that has never believed in God or prayed before. She was raised in New York and her Dad was Jewish while her mother was Catholic and so she was raised with no beliefs. Now she married a member a year ago and is wanting to learn. So we taught her the restoration and before the lesson we prayed about a baptism date for her. We both felt strongly that we needed to pick April 11th. So we followed the Spirit and in the lesson presented that date to her. As we told her she gasped and said that that was the day her father died years before. She also expressed that he has been baptised in the Temple and so “is a Mormon up there in heaven". It was perfect because she doesn’t yet know if God exists, but took that as a huge sign that He does and that her Dad wants her to be baptized on that day. It was such a cool experience. I really love her. 

We have taught the S family a few times this week!! They are getting soooo close to being baptized! Week after week we have tried to teach the underlying doctrines of baptism, like agency and commandments and temple work and eternal salvation etc. Anyway finally, they invited us over for dinner and during dinner J said "I realized that God isn't going to tell me what to do all the time and that I just need to go ahead and do what I think is right - that’s why he gave me agency" and we were like YESSSSSSSS and I said to them “How do you feel about getting baptized when my parents are here on March 21st" and he looked sooooo happy and looked at his wife and said that they will give it some serious talking about and thought and prayer. But it was so great! He even prayed at church!! His wife just has some last minute hold backs which she wanted to talk to the Bishop about and she did and apparently it went well. They have the best fellowshippers ever and we aren't worried about them! Just keep them in your prayers. They come to church every single week and read every day and pray all the time. They just need to do it :))) 

Remember the family who lost a child who said they wanna get baptized? They stood us up like three times since then and we haven’t been able to get hold of them. Every week they say they'll come to church but then don't. Then set appointments for us then stand us up. Anyway we had another appointment booked and they stood us up so we went over to this other family's house and they were HOME and invited us in!!! We had a great chat and they expressed how they want to be baptized and showed us everything they've read in the Book of Mormon, and they made another appointment with us. Which they then stood up. I just don’t know what to make of them, if they are sincere or not. Either they are sincere but flakey or just people pleasers. 

We found another family like that who invited us in right away, they are from Vegas just moving in here now, like four houses down from ours. They've made about 3 appointments with us but stood us up every time. Finally we just stopped by there and they let us in and we talked and she said she wants to be baptized! They invited us back for later that day and said they'd give us dinner and then we can help them move their stuff in. We went back and the wife was mysteriously sick and we couldn’t go in. It was really strange. So we don’t know what to make of them either. They said they would be at church but also didn't come. It's weird how many people tell us they want to be baptized but don’t make any kind of effort to get there. We just keep doing our best and waiting til they are ready :) 

We walked for about half an hour in the snow to lovingly invite someone to church and then half an hour back and we found out that the woman told her neighbour she did NOT appreciate us just showing up without an appointment. We felt horrible and just wished she could've seen our intentions, that we walked so far through the snow uphill in the road for half an hour just to give her that invitation. I wish we could all just see each others motivations and feel the love behind them. Sometimes it feels like we can't do anything right, the member who told us said that they don’t want her to be pushed away and we thought "How is that pushing someone away??? If we don’t invite them to church what are we supposed to do?" so I shed some tears over that. But honestly it helps me to understand on a tiny portion what Heavenly Father must feel, how He tries so hard to give us what we need to return back to Him but we still don't take it, or we misinterpret it. He pushes us so that we grow and learn, but we sometimes take it the wrong way. My service as a missionary has helped me learn more about my Saviour than anything else. 

Over all it has been a wonderful week of learning and growing and feeling the Spirit. We were invited to attend the Bishop's meeting with the Stake President last night. It was all the Bishoprics in the Stake and the Stake Presidency, they did an hour’s training on missionary work. At the end they invited me to bear my testimony because I will be leaving them in two weeks and thanked me for my service in their Stake. Anyway I was crying before I even stood up to bear my testimony. I managed to speak through the tears and take lots of deep breaths. At the end one of the Bishops said “You managed to make a whole room full of men cry" hahaha. It was a spiritual moment. 

Well it's that time again. I love you all SO MUCH and will see you soon. 

Sister Nicholls