And the Great Jehovah shall say "The Work Is Done" - Joseph Smith Jr - 16-3-15

Dear Family and Friends

It is so surreal that this is my last email as a missionary. When did I even leave the MTC? It feels like yesterday. The journey I have been on has been incredible and has been exactly what I have needed. 

A brief update of my week:- 

We worked very hard and achieved 19 member present lessons, 1 away from our goal of 20!!!! But that’s okay, people have their agency. We got stood up twice last night in my last few hours of missionary service, but it was good because it was in keeping with the rest of my mission ;) We worked hard and found 5 new investigators, but decided not to count two of them because they are moving really soon. So ANYWAY it was a successful week where the Lord did indeed bless us. We had my last ever Zone Meeting. It was about finding new investigators and talking with everyone. It was hard to stay focussed in it and I found my mind wandering. But it was a spiritually uplifting event as always. And in keeping with tradition, the dying missionaries have to bear their testimonies. So I was the only one leaving and stood up to bear my testimony and could hardly speak through the tears. It's hard to put into words how you feel, and when you do, they all just come out as tears haha. It was a great meeting though and sad to think I will no longer be a part of the camaraderie of missionary service. I love the missionary meetings, singing the hymns and praying together. There's a real spirit of strength in those rooms. 

Our beloved G took us out for lunch to Applebees. He is doing so well! We taught him about tithing and he said he would live it, just had one concern. He told us, it would be difficult to go back to when he started working at 15 and figure out how much he has earned and open some bonds of his to pay the tithing on it all from his whole life! I wanted to get up and hug him it was so cute and child-like faith. We explained he would only have to start from now on! But he was so willing, it was so cute. We all need gary-like faith. It was so fun to have lunch with him. He has great stories from his life in Louisiana and is just my favourite person ever. 

We also went out for lunch with K. She is a less active we barely started working with like two weeks ago, but we just instantly clicked and she is relearning everything she should've known a long time ago. She has great things in store. They came to Church this week for the first time in a LONG time! We cried when we said goodbye. She is another one of those souls that you just know you were meant to find. I know I am supposed to be here in Cedar because every day we see miracles and find people that we feel so connected to. 

We found a part member family who agreed to let us come by and teach. We met them at Church because they've lived here since August but never come to Church. In the lesson I asked them “What made you decide to come to Church last week?" They went all quiet and tears came to their eyes and they said their little boy was stillborn and they know they need to get God in their lives. It was so touching. I will never tire of those moments when you can proclaim that families will be together forever. 

We have been fed SO much this week!!! But for lunch and breakfast all I've been eating is apples and grapes so that I won't be too fat when you see me ;) 

I want to take some time in this, my last email, to pay tribute to the last 18 months of my life. The best decision I was ever prompted to make was to serve the Lord on a full time basis. The most precious 18 months of my life have been here in Southern Utah. It feels like when I leave I am going to leave behind a piece of my heart forever, and not a day will go by when I don't think about some of the people I love and my new-found family here. This mission has shaped who I am and what I will do for the rest of my life. I needed to be brought out of the world to realize how far into the world I was. I've seen how small decisions change the course of people's eternities. I will be forever grateful that the Lord loves me enough to push me out of my comfort zone for a brief moment so that I could be a part of His army, saving souls and proclaiming truth. 

I've learned what it really means to love. I've never loved people so much that you cry for them, or the second you see them at the door you want to get on your knees and beg them to listen to you. I've never loved so much that it hurts when they reject the opportunity of greater happiness. I took the opportunity to memorize 1 Corinthians 13 and it has changed me. I realize who I was before and what I needed to change about the way that I love. The Saviour has a perfect, unconditional love, and while I am still so far from that, I understand it better. I have realized that we can be perfect in keeping the Word of Wisdom, paying tithing, attending Church etc but if we don’t have charity and actually love the people the Lord puts in our path, how can we call ourselves Christian? Charity never faileth. "Though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains and have not charity, I am nothing. Though I bestow of my goods to feed the poor, and give my body to be burned, and have not charity it profiteth me nothing". Pauls words have pierced my heart and that is something I have been learning a lot about on my mission. These people that I have met - I love them more than anything. They feel like permanent members of my family and I cannot wait to spend eternity with them. 

I've learned what it means to truly be humble. Again, I have a long way to go, but I have a greater understanding of it. It's not just thinking that you're not better than anyone else, but truly seeking the Lord’s will in all things and knowing that it is NEVER about what you want. We need to "cheerfully do all things that lie within our power and then stand still with the upmost assurance to see the salvation of God". The weeks I prayed for humility were the hardest most painful weeks of my mission. My favourite Mormon Message is The Will of God by Elder Christofferson because God truly does love us enough to cut us down and reshape us. I will be forever grateful that He loves me enough to cut me down and teach me better ways. 

My testimony of the Gospel has been solidified. I have seen so much that I know without a shadow of a doubt that we have a loving Heavenly Father. He truly orchestrates our lives perfectly, so that we are where we need to be when we need to be there. He loves even the most vilest of sinners, and is a part of their lives to help bring them back into His arms. I've seen potential in other people that they have never seen in themselves, and I know that that is God's potential for them that I am seeing. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, as I have seen the spirit that touches people's hearts when we share the first vision. I know that the Book of Mormon is a true testament of Jesus Christ, and I have felt my Saviour's love as I have poured over those pages. They really do contain answers to any questions we have. All I'd need to do was pray and open the Book and my Father would speak to me. He has picked me up and served my mission for me. I could not have served for 18 months. He has done it. I spent countless hours on my knees pleading for strength and crying for guidance, asking for forgiveness and seeking blessings for others. On those hardest days, all I had to do was close the bathroom or closet door and kneel down before my Maker and cry to Him and every single time He picked me up and eased the burdens that were put upon my shoulders. I've seen how He answers and hears every single prayer we send up to Him. The more specific we are, the more specific He is back. My Saviour has never been more real, and never been so close as He has here. I've lived on his Atonement day after day and done things through Him that I never would've been able to otherwise.

One of the most hugest lessons I have ever learned in these 18 months is this: I'm not perfect. and that's ok. I love myself for who God has made me. He has given me weaknesses so that I can feel and taste of the Atonement of Christ, which brings joy greater than anything else. I've learned that everything is always going to be okay. Every transfer call I'd get super nervous and not sleep the night before and not eat for a few days and then it turned out to be the best transfer ever. Finally I have learned that Heavenly Father guides us to places for our happiness, not for our misery. Now I just stay calm and know that everything will be okay with the Saviour by my side. I needed to learn that lesson, to pull the anxiety out of me and simply trust in the Saviour. 

Some of the memories that will stick with me forever will be sitting in front of the Christus statue listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir while reading the word of God. I will always remember when E decided to get baptized, and not believing that it will really happen until the moment she stepped into the font. I will always remember A telling me that the Book of Mormon has filled a hole in her heart that she didn't know was there. I will always remember A sitting in front of the Christus and crying quiet tears before whispering “This gospel is true isn't it?". I will always remember going back to M's door after he had heavily rejected us only to find him sitting there waiting for us to come back because he felt something he'd never felt before. I will always remember R wanting to kill himself before we knocked on the door and he asked us to never leave because when we were there he felt giddy and light. I will always remember G crying at the baptism and saying it feels like coming home. I will always remember J coming to her second lesson after bashing us apart the first lesson, only to start the lesson by telling us that the Book of Mormon is true. I will always remember N saying that when he's with us he feels goodness but when he's not with us it leaves, and that if it is US that are teaching these commandments then it must be from God because we wouldn’t teach what is not from God. I will always remember the French woman in the VC who spoke in French to me and I understood everything and responded and she wanted to learn about the Gospel. I will always remember the homeless man who needed a ride to Vegas, and after praying, a couple turned up who were on their way and he was able to learn the gospel. I will remember every single family who have held us in their arms and cried, expressing their gratitude to us for serving a mission and finding them and never giving up on them. I will remember every single first prayer I have ever been privileged to hear, and every single first testimony that is ingrained within my heart. These have been the most fulfilling and enriching 18 months and I am so abundantly blessed that I cannot put it into words. 

In Alma 26, Ammon says  

 36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.

 37 Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. 

The Lord truly has been mindful of me as I have wandered in a strange land. He is mindful of all of His children, no matter what they have done. He wants no empty chairs in Heaven. The thought fills me with desire to go out and declare the Gospel to everyone, but my time is finished and I will assist in the work however He wants me to. No empty chairs. Our family members and friends and neighbours all have their name on a chair in Heaven, and we want no empty chairs. I have learned what it means to be truly yoked with the Saviour. To do His work with Him. Before I feel like I was yoked with my family and my phone and Facebook and clothes and friends, relying on these for support. Now I am yoked with the Saviour and know that I can do all things by His side. He will never leave me. My nametag will come off, but He will never leave me. 

Honestly. I don’t remember who Charlotte was. I don't know who Charlotte is. I only know Sister Nicholls. It will take some time for me to relearn who I am. I feel awkward when I'm doing anything that isn't teaching or knocking haha. 

In Matthew 16:24-26 the Saviour tells us 

 24 ¶Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

 25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

 26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

I feel that on my mission I have taken up my cross daily to follow Him in a way that I never have before. I have lost my life for His sake. Every thought I've had, every word I've spoken and every desire of my heart has been to share the Gospel. Even in my dreams I'm always a missionary. I have lost my life for Him and in doing so I have found it in greater abundance. 

My family have been absolute champs. I will be forever grateful for the eternal family that I was born into, my best friends. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow and hold you in my arms and thank you personally for loving me enough to let me go. Thank you for raising me to the Lord, thank you for showing me through example what it means to live the law of consecration. Surrendering our own will and time for Him. To serve others and put others first. I learned that first from my parents and brother and grandparents. I've seen so many families torn apart, and I am so grateful for the family that I was sent to. I know that I lived in Heaven before, and that My Father knows me personally and spent time with me, tutoring me for my life. I feel more comfortable as a missionary than I've ever felt in my life before. More secure and more at home. And I know that that is because that’s what I did for millions of years before I came to earth, teaching about the Saviour and encouraging others to choose Him, and spent 19 years here before going right back to do it again for 18 months. I know that I was always supposed to serve and that the Lord prepared hearts of His children for me. I will be eternally in debt for the blessings He has given me here. I needed my mission more than my mission needed me. He has changed me and lifted me. I am excited to go back and see what the next transfer has in store. I have a whole life time to keep learning and keep having spiritual experiences.  

Thank you everyone for your support for these 18 months. I will forever hold these experiences sacred and dear to my heart, as there are not words to express how I feel.

I will be forever grateful to be able to say these most precious words: I served a mission.

For the last time. 

Sister Nicholls